I am not sure about you, but sometimes when I am minutes away from rehearsal, I ask myself, “Do you know what the h*** you are
doing?” I know that I have been doing this for a few years, and I certainly know that I have had some marked success sprinkled with a few valiant failures. But in those minutes while the actors are completing their warm-up, I really do question my knowledge. I know I have the script. I know that all of the actors (or most) are ready to play the game. I know that they have each brought something new and unique to the work for the day, but I am not sure what I am doing! True, the show has been blocked – a bit rough
in places – and certainly in need of adaptation for the in-the-round production that I am doing, and I have had a few in-depth conversations about the world of the play – BUT what now?
But somehow – when I ask the stage manager, “Where did we
leave off? I get to the first moment and the first scene and I always have something to say, and when stuck I always have a game or trick or way of seeing through the moment. I always end up
surprised at how much I got done that day – always surprised by what comes out of my mouth and what gets planted in the actors – but not quite sure where it came from. All the while to the parking
lot, I am patting myself on the back. At the grocery story, I really do think that I am “all that.” But then I wake up the next morning and I
wonder what a director even does.
“Live in the moment” I shout to my actors. Easy to say, hard to do.
5 comments on “Do I Got It?”
Very insightful. Thanks for your transparency. I have the same feelings about a lot of topics. It might be common in any profession, but when you’re directing or participating in a play, you’re so “out there!”
I think the students benefit from your insecurities because they certainly have them, too, and somehow, on some level, I’m sure they know that you can empathize with them (and vice-versa).
So, good for you. There’s nothing worse than someone who’s so grandiose that he never has a second thought about anything.
🙂
I think this comes down to really knowing your stuff. If you’ve practiced enough or learned something inside out, it’s most likely going to be there when you need it. I used to have a terrible time with any kind of public speaking, but I’ve learned if I’ve gone over a talk to the point where it’s basically memorized, my brain won’t fail me. I may be terrified and practically hyperventilating, but when I start to move my mouth, the practiced words come out. Knowing that makes the whole process easier – I don’t stress so much anymore and have gotten to the point where I kind of enjoy public speaking. I’m assuming acting is very similar. I was interested to hear you have mental games and tricks for getting unstuck. I’d Love to hear more about that.
So inspiring. I like that you are very honest with your readers. And in my opinion, you are so brave person and your work is meaningful, important in our society. So thumbs up and give your best!
I am sure that is very easy to say. Of course, it might come easier to do based on the experience that you have in the type of acting you are doing, right?
I know this is easy to say…
And I can totally relate to not knowing what the h*ll you think you’re doing.
As a writer, I go through this a lot.
When I have a new assignment, I wonder if I’ll have the right words – if they’ll come out sounding halfway intelligent and if they’ll flow without a ton of effort on my part.
But as you’ve pointed out, it seems that everything works itself out in the end.
The reason I believe this happens is because we’re in touch with what we’re doing, why we’re doing it and living our truth.
When we’re present, we’re authentic. That’s where the magic happens.