I
am going to owe one big apology to the Duval County School system when I retire. For years, I have been using the phrase “Loser Susan” as my catch phrase for the worst possible actor. Blessedly, I have NEVER, to the best of my knowledge, ever never had a student named Susan in my class. I use the name of “Loser Susan” to capture any actor who doesn’t prepare, can’t be heard, avoids the audience, says “no” to the improvisation, does not get their character analysis done, won’t return any fieldtrip form on time, whines more then they work, and has more excuses then brains. I am full out cruel when it comes to talking about Susan. And to all of the Susan’s out there in the world, I wholehearted apologize.
If I do ever get some free time in retirement and a couple thousand dollars laying around unused – – then I might consider exploring my “Susan of origin”. Perhaps I was threatened by some clown or witch named Susan in my days spent in the crib.
I have so much to say about Loser Susan. She is, after all, now in her early thirties. One of my favorite uses of “Loser Susan” is as a tool to deal with a weak acting/audition partner. When you are at an audition and the director or stage manager arbitrarily pairs you up with Susan, do not give up, cry out load, and damn the powers that be for the injustice of having to work with Ms. Loser Susan. IN FACT, CELEBRATE. When you are given Susan as a partner, you can turn her work (or serious lack of work) into a gold mine of possibility. If you are doing a love scene and Susan has barely any inflection or life in what she is doing – don’t cry – – use it. As you claim your love for your character’s love interest and your partner gives you nothing to work with, be grateful – take the fact that all of your declarations of love are falling on flat ears. Why is she not in love with you? Why is she so afraid? Why so lost in other thoughts? Why is she choosing to be barely heard? Why must you work more intently to get her love? In other words you have turned the LEMON of Loser Susan into the lemonade of a reluctant lover that is making you see this script from an entirely new vantage point. Susan is keeping you on your toes; she is keeping this audition unpredictable. She is keeping everything new and dangerous. SUSAN IS KEEPING YOU ON YOUR TOES AND LISTENING.
Thank God and Thespis for Loser Susan!